


If Loving You is Forbidden, then my Sins are all Built-in

by ghiblise



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Forbidden Love, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Spoilers, Other Characters Briefly Mentioned - Freeform, f's in the chat for diavolo, he's not dead just drunk, lucifer doesn't know what the fuck he's doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghiblise/pseuds/ghiblise
Summary: Once an accident.Twice a coincidence.Thrice a habit.Four times, longing.((Lucifer and Simeon were unspoken lovers in the Celestial realm and couldn't let go no matter how much they tried))
Relationships: Lucifer/Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 115





	If Loving You is Forbidden, then my Sins are all Built-in

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this headcanon for the longest time now and would like to get it out of my system so i finished writing and first phase editing this at 4 am, yesterday, or earlier, idk.
> 
> shout out to indy for listening to me talk about this fic idea two months ago and for answering me when i did fact checks <3

This year had been filled with glances that were a second too long to be unintentional. 

Mornings at the academy now contained friendly greetings of “How was your day?” and “Good. How about you?” spoken with congenial smiles too warm for a place known for its perpetually dark skies and lack of sunshine. 

Smiles not given to reveal their fondness of each other, but rather to conceal the love that grew cold.

Had Lucifer known what accepting those four’s applications for the exchange student program would entail, he would have taken more time to consider all the options, taken twice as long to contemplate, and bare with his impatience. Don’t get him wrong though. Lucifer never regrets his decisions.

He’s a firm believer that regrets are born from poor judgement. One thing, among an abundance of things, that he prides himself in is his sagacity. He thinks twice, thrice, perhaps a couple hundred times before settling on what he believes would be the wisest. But when he saw _him_ among the stack of papers, he may have had a lapse in judgement whether he’d like to acknowledge that or not.

 _He’d be a great student_ , he thought. _Diavolo would love him_ , he judged, mentally listing the pros and (nonexistent) cons in accepting Simeon for the program. It didn’t take much thinking for Luke and Solomon to be selected but why is that the case with him? 

He doesn’t know.

Or rather, he doesn’t want to admit he knows.

He closed his eyes, but not without a second’s worth glimpse at the picture pasted atop the sheet, as he brought it together with Solomon’s and Luke’s.

 _It was an accident_ , was what he made himself believe.

Shutting his eyes did wonders in blocking out undesirable things from his vision, but it did nothing to block out the feelings he promised he didn’t and doesn’t have. The route to his heart had long been barricaded but the heart is a stubborn thing and will always be open to the one it loves.

“Oh, Lucifer.” In an instant, he was fished out of his thoughts and was back in his seat at Hell’s Kitchen, his head immediately turning to the voice on reflex.

 _Speak of the angel_.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Simeon greeted, bright and radiant like he always was. Lucifer could easily pick him out from a crowd. Well, really, anyone could, but he was the best at it.

Lucifer set his cup on its platter and replied, “Well, you _are_ in the Devildom afterall.” 

Simeon joked about the wonderfully dreary weather this day had (as if the weather ever even changes) and Lucifer pretended to laugh; pretended that this was all formality. All this, an obligation brought by being a fallen angel and selecting a former lov — _no_ , acquaintance to live in the same realm as him for a year. 

_Barely_ even an acquaintance. They were just both angels at some point in the past. That’s all there was and all it will ever be.

They small talk, work, school, and even, “Don’t you ever wonder what happened after you left?” Simeon asked, sounding innocent but both knew that question wasn’t. He fidgeted with the teacup situated before him. The question’s answer was painfully obvious, nonetheless he still went for it. Perhaps, he’d uncover the slightest trace of care left in Lucifer’s heart. _For the Celestial realm_ , of course. Not Simeon. _Not me._

“Matters of the Celestial realm stopped being my concern when I was cast out,” the fallen angel replied, short with a subtle crudeness. Simeon held back a sigh, concealing it with a smile, feigned laughter, and a “Silly me. I should have expected that would be your response.” 

Lucifer found himself staring, and even after Simeon made eye contact, he was unable to look away, not _wanting_ to look away (although he’d never admit that). Their eyes were locked for a second that felt too long before they both turned away.

 _It’s a coincidence_ , was all Lucifer had to say for himself.

Before they parted ways, Simeon mentioned that Mammon once again found himself in trouble and said, “Go easy on him, okay?”, answering that he “felt for him” as they were both a second-born when asked why.

Like clockwork, Simeon’s words proved true and Mammon confessed to his crime (albeit reluctantly, having been coerced by his younger brothers). But Lucifer paid it no mind. “Deal with the consequences for your punishment,” was all he said. The brothers exchanged looks before focusing on their eldest brother and trailed behind him. 

_Are you sick?_ they asked. _Are we in Heaven?_ they joked. 

Lucifer slammed the door on his brothers’ faces. 

Heaven this, Heaven that. He’s talked enough about the Celestial realm to last him a hundred humans’ lifetimes today. He’s sick of it. All of it. Earth, Hell, Heaven. Humans, demons, angels.

 _Angels_.

His body seemed to have a penchant for moving on its own. His legs brought him to the mirror, transforming into his demon form somewhere along the way, and his hand reached for his wings. It stroked the soft feathers, and the devil was still deep in thought. For the first time since Satan’s birth, he had the urge to tear the wings, whose colour resembles that of ink, from his back. 

White to black.

Angel to Devil.

_Pure to Tainted._

From there to here, he still felt the same. 

He felt trapped — restricted.

Now, Lucifer doesn’t regret anything. Not when he started the war, nor when he vowed loyalty to Diavolo, not even his time in the Celestial realm. What he does do, however, is have a lot of questions. He raced through them, wracking his brain for answers, or a sign, or a reason, or anything that could or would possibly make sense of all of this.

If an angel or devil were to die, where do they go? If people from different realms were to fall in love, what would happen? How would that work? Especially if it was an angel and a — _wait_ , why is he a devil? Why is _he_ an angel? Why is there even a need for a distinction between the three realms? Who decides that? Why can’t we be the same?

_Maybe if we were all the same, this love wouldn't be so difficult._

The embers of a love he was certain he had successfully snuffed out long ago, burned stronger and threatened to become a raging fire. One he desperately tried to keep contained but ultimately went up in flames after a night spent drinking too many bottles of Demonus with Diavolo. 

Devildom’s prince was passed out on the table, with one hand still gripping his half-empty (Lucifer is a pessimist, you see) bottle. Barbatos left for the kitchen to whip up hangover food to help the two sober up. 

Lucifer didn’t know what he was thinking. Correction, he _wasn’t_ thinking. The connection between the logical side of his brain and his hands simply did not exist in the moment he was dialing Simeon’s number.

“Lucifer?” The angel spoke, his voice was slightly different through the phone and didn’t indicate that he was woken up either. Not that Lucifer would have caught on to that detail, nor would he even care at this drunken state of his.

“Please listen. Listen to me close.” His voice was rough and speech garbled. He held his head in his free hand, elbow propped on the table.

“Are you drunk?” Simeon asked. Luke’s and Solomon’s voices could be slightly heard in the background, “Who is it?”

Lucifer, however, was not listening at all and was preoccupied by the thoughts that he would soon translate into a messy word vomit.

“Please be patient, these words are hard to say and I know they’re slurred.” It was three in the morning and Lucifer was teetering on the edge of sobriety about to empty out the contents of his heart to Simeon like how he did with the bottles of Demonus.

Lucifer stayed silent for a moment, waiting for Simeon to say anything, checking if he was still on the line and didn’t hang up.

“Of course I’ll listen. It’s my name afterall.” His voice was smooth, and kind, a stark contrast to Lucifer’s. 

Simeon’s voice, now muffled and difficult to understand, could be heard telling his two guests he was going to Diavolo’s. Lucifer would _never_ get drunk with his brothers. He also wouldn’t drink so much as to drunk dial someone. Simeon knew something was troubling him.

It was quite astonishing, really. Simeon still knew him this well after centuries, maybe even a millennia, of not being around each other.

“Simeon, do you still remember our moments together in the Celestial realm?”

“Vividly,” he replied, trying to block out the wind turbulence as much as he can. Yes, he’s flying around unsupervised, who’s gonna stop him?

“All those times we’d glance at each other, I always told myself it was an accident, a coincidence, but no matter how much I wanted to convince myself otherwise, the truth was that it wasn’t an accident, nor was it a coincidence. It was a habit. My eyes naturally gravitated towards you and — Barbatos please return my DDD. _Not until you’re sober._ Barbatos please.” Barbatos walked away with the stolen phone in hand. “Hello. I apologise if Lucifer caused any problems for you.”

Simeon laughed, “It’s alright. Please tell him I’ll be arriving shortly.”

“As you wish.” He hung up and returned to Lucifer, informing him about Simeon’s incoming arrival. Barbatos shook his head disapprovingly as he cleaned up after the two.

_Just how many bottles did they drink?_

Lucifer was still very much, completely and utterly wasted, although it wasn’t as bad as a couple of minutes ago, it was still unlike his regular tipsy. 

He was on the verge of falling asleep until he spotted the familiar angel he sees every morning at RAD. And suddenly he was sober.

“Simeon.” He stood up, hastily fixing his clothes and appearance. 

All Simeon did was smile as always, “You were saying earlier?”

" _Ah._ "

The two went out by the riverside for a change of scenery and privacy. They sat side by side and Simeon couldn’t help but reminisce of the times this wasn’t a rare scene.

The silence was awkward, unbearable, and in all honesty, Lucifer would _almost_ rather be back in the Celestial realm than in this situation right now.

“You can continue where you left off,” Simeon encouraged him, patient, loving, and gentle. His words, and even mere presence was just so… soothing, perhaps even healing.

Lucifer sighed deeply. “Since the war... nothing has felt like home. You were literally a world away and I wasn’t accustomed to how anything worked here.”

“But you’re used to it now, correct?” 

Lucifer smiled for the first time that day, “Yes. You can even say that I quite enjoy it here. But that’s not my point.” He turned his gaze to Simeon.

It’s not a habit; it’s _longing_.

“We had something. _Didn’t we_?” Lucifer asked, his voice breaking slightly at the end. Simeon’s breath got caught in his throat and both of them were engulfed by memories of a love they never had. 

The fleeting looks, prolonged touches, and warm smiles that depicted fondness, they couldn’t have been nothing. Right? The “coincidental” meetings on Earth, moonlit trysts, and greeting every morning at each other’s side, _had_ to mean _something_. It can’t be nothing. 

They _refuse_ for it to be nothing.

All at once the unspoken affection and hidden feelings that they (literally) _swore_ to God didn’t exist came out in bated breaths and hesitant touches.

Simeon placed his hand atop Lucifer’s shoulder and whispered endearingly, “Mornings were never easy after you.” 

“I — “ Lucifer started as he leaned forward, but realisation struck so he stopped and retreated, removing Simeon’s hand as he did. “Simeon, you and I live in vastly different worlds and are now beings that are the bane of each other's existence.”

Simeon didn’t falter, he had done that too many times already in the past. He won’t waver, not anymore. He was done being afraid. With an even stronger resolve, he inched closer, this time bringing a hand up to the fallen one’s cheek.

“Didn’t I already tell you? Even as a demon, you’re still beautiful. Just like when you were an angel. You haven’t changed a bit. You’re still the same Lucifer I spent all my mornings with.” He caressed him as he spoke and Lucifer had to restrain himself from leaning into his touch.

His words melted what little self-control Lucifer had left. He gripped the angel’s cloak, tugged on it, and — _No._

He can’t do this to him. He can’t let Simeon be dragged down with him. He won’t allow his white wings to be tainted black.

“What’s the matter, love?” Simeon brushed calming circles with his thumb on Lucifer’s skin. Those soft eyes were piercing through his heart and the avatar of pride had to turn away, lest he’ll do something he might regret.

“We can’t. Who knows what God would do to you if — _when_ they find out.” 

_This is for the best,_ he thought. _Being alone is safer than with me_ , he judged, mentally listing all the possible, horrible, things Simeon would receive as divine punishment.

Simeon giggled, trying to stifle his laughter as much as he could. Lucifer frowned and tilted his head in confusion, “This isn’t a laughing matter.” This sent Simeon over the edge and went into a full-on fit, apologising profusely as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“They can only observe Heaven and Earth, Lucifer. As a former angel I thought you would know that.” He shifted closer. “It’s alright. I’m safe here.” His hand returned to its former place on Lucifer’s face. “We’re safe here.”

Lucifer tucked Simeon’s hair behind his ear before he could even process what he was doing, abruptly dropping his hand when he did. “Still. We can’t risk it.”

“Is it so wrong to want to belong to you?” Simeon’s tone was melancholic and filled with longing.

“You know it is.” And Lucifer’s held the same sentiments.

“Well…” Simeon pressed his forehead to the demon’s. “If loving you is forbidden, then my sins are already built-in.” 

_Push him away_ , Lucifer scolded himself, but he found himself doing the opposite. His arms wrapped around Simeon, pulling him in, wanting to hold him as close as he could — closer than he was ever allowed to under the surveillance of the all knowing one. Nothing else mattered except for the fact that the lips he had longed for in the past millennia or two were now on his, and their breaths were tied in knots.

There was no God. No humans, demons, nor angels. No one can decide what they were or what they have to be. The wings on their backs felt weightless and insignificant — nonexistent. Right now, it was just the two of them. And that was all they ever wanted.

Lucifer’s hands skimmed up and down Simeon’s sides before settling on his waist. Simeon held Lucifer in a tight embrace and Lucifer gave a satisfied sigh through their kiss. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he finally felt like he was home again. 

They pulled away, laughing blissfully as they locked eyes. No turning away this time, and this was definitely not an accident.

“What are you doing?” Was all Lucifer could manage to say, breathless and wonderstruck at what had just occurred.

“Confessing my sins,” Simeon replied simply.

Lucifer chuckled at that, shaking his head slightly. “You’re an angel but you make me want to do things God would never approve.” His voice was hoarse and now an octave lower. 

Simeon leaned in once more, just close enough for their lips to barely touch when he spoke. “I say,” a smile painted across his face, “to hell with them.” 

**Author's Note:**

> they don't pay barbatos enough to constantly deal with their bullshit.


End file.
